Sometimes, blogs are just nice to have to splat any random stuff that's floating around in your brain, so here is my blah blah, random as anything, but hopefully, meaningful in some sense by the end of this.
I don't know if it's because I'm young and lack knowledge of the real world, or perhaps because I was brought up being told that there are limits to what someone can do, I'm not sure, but sometimes, especially when I'm stressed, I get to thinking that because I'm a girl that I'm less competent to be competing with the ranks of people in school, for IT. Deep down inside, I know that this isn't the case, but there are times when I just feel pressured to throw in the towel, and run and hide. I wonder if that's one of the reasons that people, especially girls, feel that they shouldn't be in the IT industry. I know, from day to day experience, that my personality and composure leads people to target me for some humor, which, normally, doesn't bother me, but it's those odd-ball days when I just feel overwhelmed and below everyone else that I just lose confidence. For example, right now, I'm stuck on one question, and no matter how much work I do to get it done, I just can't seem to put 2 and 2 together. Maybe it's stress, or maybe it's the fact that theory isn't really my strenght. I'm not sure, but I just feel so unaccomplished because I know that this is a really important part of the subject, and I really need to do it, but I just keep having this random mental block... even after I get it explained to me over and over again. I know that I can do this, and I will do it... lol I'm just stressed over nothing.
Back to teasing though, I guess that sometimes, it makes me feel less of an adult... I mean I could come in everyday, make-up on, hair done up, and whatever, and I tried that during the first month and a bit of school, in hopes to feel older, but it just wasn't me, so I stopped. So my composure is how it is, and I don't want to change. This is me, and I have always been this way. I have never wanted to follow the status quo, I have never looked like a 'model' I have never done what I was told... well, let me re-phrase that one, when I was told to do this, I did that, but I also that the oposite because I wanted to know why not to do it in the first place. I was one of those kids that when mommy and daddy told me that I could do anything I wanted when I got older, I took their word for it, and nothing was going to change that, especially when I got older and started working towards things that my parents told me were not worth my time because I couldn't do it. I want to learn. If there is one thing in this life that I want to accomplish, it's to try and live through as many experiences as possible so that I can have a rounded persective on life as a whole. I want to be able to know how people feel, and help them if they need it. I guess in short, I need to be needed. This is why I wanted to take on this 'Test Drive' task. I want women who wish to go into IT know that even though it's tough, if you love it, it's worth every single hardship and misconseption that the world thinks, because it's your dream and no one can take that away from you.
Now, I guess people can think that I'm hard-headed, and that's fine. In my opinion, it's my detemination that keeps me going, and keeps my eye on the prize. I know that I can do anything that I put my mind and hard work into, and I also think that everyone should have this outlook on life, because if they did, I bet there would be more Einsteins' and Newtons. We all have potential, it's just if you want to believe that you have it and if you want to reach out and take it.
Anyways, now that I babeled for a while, I'm feeling better and stronger. Here's to the end of the year!
Cheers
Rebecca
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6 comments:
Rebecca, I love your blog. You write just like you talk. :-) As someone who's slipped in & out of the IT industry, I feel for you. It's not always easy for women in IT, but you're the kind of person who will make a big difference. Never let anyone let you feel less than the awesome person you are. I can't wait to see what else you write. Take care, Carolyn
Rebecca - you can do anything you put your mind to - some great insight and comments - I'd love to talk to you about them sometime - your thoughts on some of the reasons why women leave or don't look at IT as a career are very insightful.
Your gender has absolutely nothing to do with your competence. You are going to have good days and bad days - you have chosen a challenging programme. Trust me when I say what you are feeling is being shared by many of your colleagues., and don't let the teasing and humour get to you - for many people believe it or not it's a sign of respect, that you can "take it".
The mental block will go away - I've been a programmer longer than I care to think about most days, yet I did very poorly in my first programming course - it was much later when the penny dropped and it's been a fun filled career ever since. You will get it (whatever "it" is :-)), of that I am confident.
Your drive and determination will hold you in good stead - keep it up! Thanks you for sharing your thoughts, it will help a lot of your fellow learners who are thinking much the same thing - good luck in the programme and you know that you can drop by anytime...
I can barely add anything that Carolyn and Ian haven't already said; I echo their comments entirely...but I do have a unique perspective in that I'm one of your facilitators, and I have the pleasure of seeing you for two classes each week.
What I can tell you is this: you have a lot of misconceptions about you that will always be there because of your gender, and none of them should matter, but they will. Society isn't likely to change, as much as people like you demonstrate your wonderful qualities, and educators like me lead the charge against the intolerance...but you know my feelings on all that; I won't beat a dead horse here.
What I will say is this: all of the extra challenges I've presented to you and support I've had for your many extra-curricular projects is not based on the fact that you're female: it's based on the fact that you're a fantastic person and a great student, and I know a rising star when I see one...ask my former students on that one.
When you feel things are getting to you, or an answer isn't coming easy to you (on any subject), you know that my door's always open. Funny thing is, that's not because you're a "girl in IT" either...it's because your one of my students. And that means the world to me.
~Mog
Hi Rebecca,
I'm Jen, a former student of Chris and Ian's from last year's Sys/Net Admin course. Chris emailed me and asked me to take a look at your blog. I was first expecting to have to give a big pep talk but by the time I finished your blog I really didn't feel any such thing was necessary. You already seem to have the will and intelligence to show everyone that you're not here to screw around and that you really mean business. In the end I believe you'll see that in this industry (and in school) you will have a stamina for hard work that few can match. If you don't already know this, you will learn how to take your stress and make it work for you. That combination of brains and skill will shine through and will command respect from classmates and colleagues.
You WILL be challenged by men in IT. You WILL screw up. You WILL have hard days. You WILL want to throw in the towel and crawl into a hole and cry. However, after the day is over (literally) you WILL persevere and you will be stronger and smarter because you WILL learn from it. You WILL have feelings like you're being tested on your survival skills in the tech jungle. Keeps your wits sharp and you'll continue to shine.
Women in IT are like the US Marines - The few, the proud. I haven't even met you and after reading your blog, I feel pride in knowing there are more intelligent women standing up and demanding that the world take notice. Keep it up. You'll make it.
-Jen AuCoin
Hi Rebecca
Carolyn sent me a link to your blog and I hope you get some value in the following comments.
First off, as far as gender issues are concerned: in addition to being an educator, I also run an IT business. Like Ian, I have been a programmer a very long time. The world of IT has changed a lot since I started (thank heavens) and the work of the IT professional has moved from being a solitary "geeky" kind of job, to being a team-based, problem-solving, and much more fun but challenging kind of work. Diversity in such teams is extremely important and respect for all the skills and characteristics in the team is critical. I have found most of the women on teams I have been on, to have brought unique and valuable insights to the projects and to the clients. From your commenst and those of your instructors, I think you may become the kind of person who will be sought out and valued in such teams.
On problem-solving: In spite of (way too many) years of experience in this field, I still hit snags and problems that really throw me and drive me nuts. But the great thing about this business is that it prepares your mind to solve problems - even when that means just letting it cook on the back-burner for awhile. As Ian says, "it" will come to you, and you will learn to do the heavy slogging that it takes sometime for the brilliant insights to hit.
Good luck!
snips
Rebecca, it looks like you've got us all talking! :-) Great job. What Stephen said resonated with me. Women offer a unique perspective and it's one we can't afford to lose. What can we do to support and encourage women in IT? Do you have any ideas?
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